So I don't know how regularly I'll get to this, but I'll try and keep on it.
One thing I love about myself:
I am a very passionate person. I will drop anything I am doing for my friends. I will go above and beyond for my students. I learn passionately about my subject matter and about the career field I have chosen. I will debate passionately about the causes in which I believe, the things that I think that I know. I try not to do the things I care about most in a half-hearted way.
Sometimes I think my passion comes across as obsession; occasionally my enthusiasm can be... a bit much. I'm aware of that, and I try and temper it when necessary. But I love how much I can love.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Day 01
30 Days of Truth (full list here:)
Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself.
I hate that I am a fearful person. I am scared of many thing - rejection. Invisibility. Not doing a good enough job. Solitude. I have made so many choices that were dictated by my fears. I realized in college that a core element of my being was a deep-rooted fear of being left out or just being alone. I still live with that, and it definitely permeates my life.
I don't want to be alone on a weekend night - but I'm afraid that people won't want to hang out with me, so I don't make a first move (and if the phone never rings, I sulk). I am terrified of not getting enough approval at work, so I push myself to go above and beyond constantly, and pile stress on myself. I fear ending up alone, but am too scared to approach a guy or express my real feelings to someone I care deeply about.
I would love to not be so fearful. I have beaten myself up for it time and time again. I would love to be okay with being alone. I remember my sister telling me about the woman whose New Year's Resolution was to constantly ask herself "What would do if I were not afraid?" That is an attitude I would like to work toward.
Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself.
I hate that I am a fearful person. I am scared of many thing - rejection. Invisibility. Not doing a good enough job. Solitude. I have made so many choices that were dictated by my fears. I realized in college that a core element of my being was a deep-rooted fear of being left out or just being alone. I still live with that, and it definitely permeates my life.
I don't want to be alone on a weekend night - but I'm afraid that people won't want to hang out with me, so I don't make a first move (and if the phone never rings, I sulk). I am terrified of not getting enough approval at work, so I push myself to go above and beyond constantly, and pile stress on myself. I fear ending up alone, but am too scared to approach a guy or express my real feelings to someone I care deeply about.
I would love to not be so fearful. I have beaten myself up for it time and time again. I would love to be okay with being alone. I remember my sister telling me about the woman whose New Year's Resolution was to constantly ask herself "What would do if I were not afraid?" That is an attitude I would like to work toward.
30 Days of Truth
One of my goals for 2011 was to do a writing challenge of some kind. I came across one today that I felt pulled to - the 30 Days of Truth. The list is:
Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 - Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 - Something you have to forgive someone else for.
Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 - Something you hope to never have to do.
Day 07 - Someone who has made your live worth living for.
Day 08 - Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.
Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you most on.
Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.
Day 14 - A hero that has let you down.
Day 15 - Something you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.
Day 16 - Someone or something you could definitely live without.
Day 17 - A book you've read that has changed your views on something.
Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Politics?
Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident, and you got into a fight the hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
Day 23 - Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 - Make a playlist for someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today.
Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 - What's the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 - If you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself, and why.
Day 30 - A letter to yourself - everything you love about yourself.
So here goes. I may not write every single day, but I will try.
Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 - Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 - Something you have to forgive someone else for.
Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 - Something you hope to never have to do.
Day 07 - Someone who has made your live worth living for.
Day 08 - Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.
Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you most on.
Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.
Day 14 - A hero that has let you down.
Day 15 - Something you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.
Day 16 - Someone or something you could definitely live without.
Day 17 - A book you've read that has changed your views on something.
Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Politics?
Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident, and you got into a fight the hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
Day 23 - Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 - Make a playlist for someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today.
Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 - What's the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 - If you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself, and why.
Day 30 - A letter to yourself - everything you love about yourself.
So here goes. I may not write every single day, but I will try.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Making Lists
Okay. After a day of obsessive blog reading, I've decided that it would be an interesting challenge to set a number of goals for myself for this year, and try (emphasis on try - I don't always do so well at the follow-through...) to keep track of how well I accomplish those goals. Plus I can write down anything else I feel like recording here, always a useful thing. Right? Right.
I figured that if I didn't make my goals reasonable, I wouldn't even get close to crossing them off my list. Also, some of them will be monthly goals, and if I make it in February, but not January, it's still an accomplishment. Or that's what I tell myself, anyway.
So, here it is. To Do, in 2011.
1. Every month, hand write two cards or letters and actually mail them. The USPS is making Pixar stamps this year; they're too adorable to pass up! (Which is probably exactly why the USPS is making them.)
2. Take some kind of exercise class, whether that be Zumba at the Y or yoga at the rec center or something else interesting that comes along.
3. Make at least three new recipes each month.
4. Visit one new state.
5. Read one "good" book each month. That means no trashy romance novels or junky sci-fi/fantasy. Now, those books are great and totally essential to my mental health. But I'm an English teacher. I need more of the "classics" under my belt.
6. Do something really fun for my birthday.
7. Have my friends over to hang out at least twice during spring semester (for more than just Glee on Tuesday nights - a gathering that requires me to clean up both before and after!).
8. Collect addresses of friends and family for monthly cards and letters, and possibly other fun purposes.
9. Frame and hang my Constable print.
10. Buy a crock pot and cook four good recipes in it (I debated a lot on how many recipes to make my goal... three seemed too few, five seemed super ambitious... four it is!)
11. Keep up the tradition of Thursday night dinners, even during basketball season, and into the next school year.
12. Add at least one regular attender to Thursday night dinners.
13. Buy a new digital camera (and use it).
14. Buy a printer.
15. Add one new blog to my RSS feed each month.
16. Make some sort of financial investment.
17. Research tuition reimbursement programs at USD 457, so I know what my options will be, as grad school is currently planned to start in 2012.
18. Make a $60 donation to a deserving charity, in place of a certain donation I did not make.
19. Answer the 50 Questions that Will Free Your Mind.
20. Clean the gross, rusty drain on the right side of my sink.
21. Give up something for Lent.
22. Update my alumni information at both my high school and my college.
23. Do the 30 Hour Famine with the kids at GCPC.
24. Participate in Relay for Life with the Teachers for Hope.
25. Do some kind of writing challenge - probably the 30 day letter challenge - probably here on this blog. Because I don't write anymore, and that's sad.
26. Work in the summer - NOT as a server.
27. Not have knee surgery.
So that's the list as of 1/1/11. I may add things as I go. I want to push myself to be a "better version of myself," a phrase I've come across that I really like. No reason not to do it right now.
I figured that if I didn't make my goals reasonable, I wouldn't even get close to crossing them off my list. Also, some of them will be monthly goals, and if I make it in February, but not January, it's still an accomplishment. Or that's what I tell myself, anyway.
So, here it is. To Do, in 2011.
1. Every month, hand write two cards or letters and actually mail them. The USPS is making Pixar stamps this year; they're too adorable to pass up! (Which is probably exactly why the USPS is making them.)
2. Take some kind of exercise class, whether that be Zumba at the Y or yoga at the rec center or something else interesting that comes along.
3. Make at least three new recipes each month.
4. Visit one new state.
5. Read one "good" book each month. That means no trashy romance novels or junky sci-fi/fantasy. Now, those books are great and totally essential to my mental health. But I'm an English teacher. I need more of the "classics" under my belt.
6. Do something really fun for my birthday.
7. Have my friends over to hang out at least twice during spring semester (for more than just Glee on Tuesday nights - a gathering that requires me to clean up both before and after!).
8. Collect addresses of friends and family for monthly cards and letters, and possibly other fun purposes.
9. Frame and hang my Constable print.
10. Buy a crock pot and cook four good recipes in it (I debated a lot on how many recipes to make my goal... three seemed too few, five seemed super ambitious... four it is!)
11. Keep up the tradition of Thursday night dinners, even during basketball season, and into the next school year.
12. Add at least one regular attender to Thursday night dinners.
13. Buy a new digital camera (and use it).
14. Buy a printer.
15. Add one new blog to my RSS feed each month.
16. Make some sort of financial investment.
17. Research tuition reimbursement programs at USD 457, so I know what my options will be, as grad school is currently planned to start in 2012.
18. Make a $60 donation to a deserving charity, in place of a certain donation I did not make.
19. Answer the 50 Questions that Will Free Your Mind.
20. Clean the gross, rusty drain on the right side of my sink.
21. Give up something for Lent.
22. Update my alumni information at both my high school and my college.
23. Do the 30 Hour Famine with the kids at GCPC.
24. Participate in Relay for Life with the Teachers for Hope.
25. Do some kind of writing challenge - probably the 30 day letter challenge - probably here on this blog. Because I don't write anymore, and that's sad.
26. Work in the summer - NOT as a server.
27. Not have knee surgery.
So that's the list as of 1/1/11. I may add things as I go. I want to push myself to be a "better version of myself," a phrase I've come across that I really like. No reason not to do it right now.
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