Day 01

30 Days of Truth (full list here:)
Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself.

I hate that I am a fearful person. I am scared of many thing - rejection. Invisibility. Not doing a good enough job. Solitude. I have made so many choices that were dictated by my fears. I realized in college that a core element of my being was a deep-rooted fear of being left out or just being alone. I still live with that, and it definitely permeates my life.

I don't want to be alone on a weekend night - but I'm afraid that people won't want to hang out with me, so I don't make a first move (and if the phone never rings, I sulk). I am terrified of not getting enough approval at work, so I push myself to go above and beyond constantly, and pile stress on myself. I fear ending up alone, but am too scared to approach a guy or express my real feelings to someone I care deeply about.

I would love to not be so fearful. I have beaten myself up for it time and time again. I would love to be okay with being alone. I remember my sister telling me about the woman whose New Year's Resolution was to constantly ask herself "What would do if I were not afraid?" That is an attitude I would like to work toward.